Tag Archive: Johto


I returned to Dark Cave to conquer it… that’s the end of that sentence. I burned through the Zubats and drowned all the Geodudes, but I did end up catching a Dunsparce (Jon). All of this led me to a giant rock blocking my path. Strength? You’ve gotta be kidding me. It’s like they don’t want me to get by this cave. Well forget you, cave! I think Mt. Moon is much better. I planned to just head back towards Violet City, but then that egg started hatching! I put the egg in my hands and watched in awe as the creature inside broke free. It was a… Togepi? Oh, well this is lame. Now Professor Elm has been stalking me and wants to see the new Togepi. Alright fine, let’s go back to New Bark.

I traversed back to New Bark and showed Elm the new Pokémon. Unfortunately he doesn’t want to keep him, so I’m stuck with him. Your name is Erenzu: now get in the box. I think Dahlia is happy is to return to the team. I decided to head down Route 32 so I could get to the next gym. More conversations with Joey:

Joey: Durrrrr, I saw a Pokémon!

Me: Well, did you catch it this time?

Joey: … No, it got away.

Me: You’re the worst trainer ever.

Joey: What about Dawn?

Me: … Second worst trainer ever.

We all knew that Dahlia’s time with the team would be short: bug Pokémon aren’t terrific, let’s just say that. So when I caught a Mareep (Sygnal) down Route 32, it was time to say goodbye to that Spinarak. We’ll remember you always… now get in the box.

Now I reach a tiny Pokémon Center near a cave. When I head in there, this older gentleman calls me over and asks if I want one of his rods. … Johto, I told you about this. I told you no more of the pedo crap, but you keep thrusting older men’s rods on me. Johto, you are the homosex… Eff it, let’s go fishing.

I sit there and fish forever, since fishing is boring as hell. But now something’s on the line. Something’s tugging on that old man’s rod! It’s a Magika-wait, who cares about a Magikarp? I caught it, I shoved it in the box. I was done with it before I even started that battle. Let’s stop fishing. Now I head to the entrance of the Union Cave. Alright cave, I’ve been to Dark Cave, and that sucked. You’d better not screw me over, or there will be hell to pay. I enter the cave, preparing myself for whatever waits inside.

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After finishing conversing with my mom, I head out to Route 29 to get to Mr. Pokémon’s house. As I’m picking my way through the tall grass, the thought crosses my mind that no one told me how to find this man’s house. Just as I’m about to reach Cherrygrove City, a wild Hoothoot jumps out of the tall grass to face me. This is the perfect chance to test out my battling skills! I send out Inferno and a tense battle ensues. By tense, I mean that the Hoothoot stared at Inferno for a while while he tackled the wild Pokémon into oblivion. Score one for the good guys.

Soon the lights of Cherrygrove City appear before me. Shambling towards the entrance, I’m suddenly accosted by some old man. He rushes towards me and forces me to follow him around the city, showing me buildings I was already aware of. I sigh and follow him, growing bored of this old man’s shenanigans. At the end of the tour, he gives me shoes. Thanks… I think? Oh wait, now I can run! This doesn’t make any sense!

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Shoes: without them, you cannot run. Really, try it. Move your legs as fast as you want; you cannot do it.

I continued to adventure north through Route 30, battling a gaggle of Rattata, Hoothoots and Spinaraks along the way. Eventually I reached a house at the bottom of a cliff. This house, without me checking for any indication, is certainly Mr. Pokémon’s house. I let myself in, and it is. I’m good. I speak with more old men, this time Mr. Pokémon and Professor Oak. Mr. Pokémon gives me an egg to take back to Elm. Huh, Elm warned me that this guy enjoyed eggs. I’m surprised I didn’t get a side of hash browns with it. I just take the egg and go back outside when I get a call from Professor Elm. Yes, I have a phone too. I’m ten years old, in case you forgot. Anyway, now Elm’s crying to me about a “disaster,” and that I need to get back quickly. Oh, what’s he done now? I give Inferno an exasperated glance; he just shrugs, and so we battle our way back to home, or at least we try to. As we leave Cherrygrove, that stalker boy from the window appears before me. He gives me a furtive, suspicious glare, and I get definite feelings of mistrust. This conversation happens:

Me: Hey, I remember you. What are you doing here?

Passerby Boy: (notices Inferno) That’s a Pokémon that’s too good for a wimp like you.

Me: Oh, now you’ve done it. I’ve been waiting all night to fight you.

Passerby Boy: With our Pokémon, right?

Me: Uh… yeah, that’s what I meant…

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Seen here: the Pokémon battle I wanted to have with him.

Let the battle commence! Inferno leaps into battle as the boy sends out his Totodile. I remember that Pokémon from the lab and that “disaster” Elm spoke of. I accuse him of stealing the Pokémon. Yeah, of course he did. What a jerk. Why would that Totodile follow him if he stole it? The Totodile stares dumbly at me. Oh, that’s why.

His Pokémon has the type advantage… you know, that’d mean more if they knew more moves than Tackle or Scratch. The two starters clash in front of us, my Cyndaquil knocking his Totodile back, who scratches down Cyndaquil’s side in response. Back and forth they go, but unluckily for my foe, my Pokémon has been training. My power is just too much for him and Cyndaquil is able to dispatch Totodile. Victory is mine! Take that, you dirty thief!

Passerby Boy: Are you happy you won?

Me: Uh, yeah, duh. What kind of stupid question is that?

Passerby Boy: I’m going to be the world’s greatest Pokémon trainer.

Me: Yeah, by stealing Pokémon? Good luck with that.

He bumps into me and walks away, not particularly gracious in defeat. As he leaves, I notice he dropped something. Picking it up, it turned out that he dropped his ID card. I’m only able to see his name before he comes back and takes it away from me. “Oh no, you saw my name.” Yeah, you better walk away now! Just wait until I report you to the police! I’m sure they’ll go and arrest you and not let you wander around challenging me to battles for all eternity.

I rush through Route 29 on my way to the lab, ready to tell Elm what had happened, but as I run inside a policeman stops me.

Policeman: Stop! A criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. Obviously, you’re the crook!

Me: That doesn’t even make sense. Professor, didn’t you tell the police who I am?

Elm: Hurr Durrrrrrr

Me: Of course not.

Luckily for me Lyra comes in and defends my honor. Well, at least she did something right. The policeman then asks me who it was that I fought. His name? Horvitz. With a description and name of the perpetrator, the policeman goes to hunt him down. I’m sure they won’t screw that one up. Suddenly I remember the egg. I hand it over to the professor, who finds it fascinating. Was it worth it, professor?  Was it worth all this trouble?

Elm: Durrrrrrr

I went home and talked with my mom about my journey. She suggested that I send her half of my earnings from battling so she could save it. That’s a nice though, but then I remembered that she spent all that money on a two story house with only one bed… where two people live. No, I’m keeping that money.

Tonight I sleep in my bed for the final time. Tomorrow morning I’ll be heading out to take the gym challenge. I’ll defeat all eight gym leaders and attempt to become the champion. With Inferno safe in his pokéball, I fall asleep, ready for the adventures that await me in the future.

Team:

Cyndaquil (Inferno): Lv. 8

The screech of an alarm pierced through the early morning quiet and stirred me from my slumber. Yawning and stretching my arms, I grasped the alarm clock and dropkicked it against the wall. Why was I awake before noon again? Oh right, Pokémon. It’s always something with Pokémon, isn’t it?

Hello, my name is Katgarr. I’m a ten-year-old boy from New Bark Town and because our society values Pokémon over education, I’ve never had to go to school, ever. There aren’t even any schools in this region. Or anywhere. We’re not very smart. Stretching and leaving the comforts of bed, I walked over to my laptop to check my email. Yes, I’m ten years old and I have my own laptop, a TV, and a Wii. My mom isn’t very responsible, but hey, I ain’t complaining. Now, back to my email. Hey, I got a new email! I hope it isn’t another ad for senior dating: I hate spam mail. Hmm, it’s from my friend Lyra. Let’s see what she sent me… “Adventure! Excited! I love Pokémon!” … Thanks for the breaking news, Lyra.

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Fascinating

I descended downstairs and was greeted by my mom, who informed me that Lyra was out playing with her Marill. What?! She has a Pokémon and I don’t? What is this crap? Then she informed me that Professor Elm wanted to see me. Aww yeah, I know what that means. I’m gonna get my first Pokémon, and it’ll be much cooler than a wimpy Marill! I rushed quickly out of the house and off to the lab… or rather I shambled as slow as possible towards the front door. Why the hell can’t I run?

I shuffled slowly outside, and as soon as I stepped onto the porch a blue blur slammed straight into my chest. I let out a small groan of surprise as I stumbled backwards. Looking down, I saw Lyra’s Marill staring up at me. Lyra immediately came barreling over, the blue little puffball rushing over to her. I called out a greeting, but that little hoebag just grabbed Marill and ran off. Why am I friends with her again? Forget her, I’ll just go to the lab.

As I walked towards the lab, I saw something odd: a red-headed boy staring into the side window. Curious, I walked over and asked him what he was doing. He turned to me and mumbled, “… What are you staring at?” before bumping me out of the way. I was prepared to smash his stupid face in, but it wasn’t worth it… not yet, anyway. I’ll get my Pokémon, then I’ll use it to exact revenge. So into the lab I went.

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This jerk right here

The first person I saw once I stepped inside was a lab assistant. I went to inquire about the location of the professor, but he stopped me and informed me that he wasn’t the professor. Yeah, I got that. Don’t just assume I’m as stupid as you. I look towards the back of the lab and see the professor tinkering with some machines. I walk over and go to introduce myself. He’s ecstatic to see me, and I’ll admit it’s a bit creepy how happy this older man is to see me. Let’s just suppress those feelings for now. As we were talking, he was interrupted by an email. It turns out that his friend Mr. Pokémon has found something and needs the professor to go see it. Being the lazy git that he is, Elm decides that I should go do his work for him. I think about warning him of the creepy kid staring at us through the window as we speak, but now I’m annoyed, so forget you, Elm.

Me: (thinking) What a lazy bum. Forget you, Elm.

Elm: Now before you go, you should pick a Pokémon to take with you.

Me: All is forgiven!

The three starter Pokémon are released and I take a good look at each one. I immediately dismiss Chikorita because that’s a stupid Pokémon. I find that Totodile is a very lively one, and that could be a good asset to have, but there’s something about Cyndaquil… he stares up at me with a gentle gaze, but in his eyes I can see the fire of battle raging inside. That’s the Pokémon I want on my team. Professor Elm tries to interest me in Chikorita, but no dice. I take Cyndaquil’s pokéball and Elm reminds me to go show my mother. As I walk out of the lab, I hear the professor mutter to Chikorita, “I’m never gonna get rid of you.”

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No one likes you, Chikorita. You can’t even get stolen. Go back in your pokéball where you belong.

I go back to my house and show off Cyndaquil to my mom. He shyly looks around the room while she gushes over how cute he is. Of course. “At least you didn’t pick Chikorita,” she told me, “or I would’ve disowned you.”

Mom: So have you given a name to your Cyndaquil?

Me: Yes; I named him Inferno.

Mom: That’s a better name than Greenslash.

Me: What does that mean?

Mom: Ohh, nothing.

[Next time: Innocence is Relative (pt. 2)!]