Tag Archive: inferno


            As I woke up this morning, I decided to see how Inferno was doing. I let him out of his pokéball, letting him stretch his legs. He was fine; that’s good. I went to the PC and attempted to get my new Gastly out of it, but I couldn’t access it. I asked the nurse what was going on and she told me that all their PCs got viruses, so they had to fix them before Pokémon could be transferred. Great; they really should start using Macs.

Eventually I got Shadow (Gastly) out of the computer to replace Caitlin, so now I was on my way to the gym: I was ready to defeat Falkner! I stormed into the joint and laid waste to his lackeys, sending them to sheer defeat. It was time for the leader. Falkner looked up as I approached and welcomed me into his sanctuary. This gym, like all the other gyms, had a proud history of using one type of Pokémon without any diversification. “Yes, all my Pokémon are weak to the same types. Why do you ask?” This’ll be fun. Falkner sent out his Pidgey, so I countered with Inferno.

His Pidgey attacked Inferno with a series of weak flying moves, but he clearly was outmatched by my fiery destroyer (patent pending), who burned that bird to a crisp with ember. That was an easy first victory for su-oh wait, what’s this? Inferno is glowing! That’s right saan, Inferno evolved into Quilava! That’s what’s up! That was enough for now though: Stallone would take the final battle versus Pidgeotto. This would be an epic battle, right? Rock Throw, dead. Oh, okay, maybe not. Victory is mine!

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Two birds, one stone.

I walk out of the gym, triumphant with my first gym badge, when the professor gives me a call. He got tired of the egg and it’s now my job to take care of it. Oh… what a letdown. I decided to try and hatch the egg when I obtained it from his assistant, so I put Dahlia in the PC for a breather and took the egg. I tried to continue on my way, but a geisha confronts me and tells me to look after the egg. Ok… I planned to, lady. What do you think I’m gonna do, scramble it? Well, at least it’s a woman who’s being creepy to me now instead of a man.

I decided to head back to Elm for reasons I can no longer recall, but I caught some more Pokémon! They included Aeris (Pidgey), Fungo (Sentret), and Chrysalis (Caterpie). Out of three, I decided to put Aeris into the team. Sorry Blathers, maybe another time. So now I’m back in Violet City, and I can head off to Route 36… or not, because there’s a tree blocking the way. The thought of cutting the tree down hasn’t occurred to anyone, so I guess I’m just going down through Route 32.

Now I find myself in some mysterious ruins. I gaze about this site of ruin excavation, and I reason that, as a ten-year-old kid, I shouldn’t be running around here. As it turns out, I was wrong, because I not only can explore the ruins, I can frikken touch them and solve puzzles. Well, so much for look, don’t touch. I decided to try out the puzzle, and what do ya know, I solved it! A Kabuto, huh… wait, why is the floor shaking? Oh Arceus, there’s no more floor aaaaaaaaaaaa!

I fall down into a dark tunnel where an archaeologist greets me, saying I must’ve solved the puzzle. Are you insane? Your puzzle involves sending people falling into a dark tunnel. You have no regards for anyone’s safety. Forget this, I’m out of here. I caught myself an Unown, but I don’t know much about it. At this point, I’m not too interested in exploring it, so I just leave. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

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Specifically, this fish.

So now I return to Violet City. Since that creepy man gave me Flash, I reason I can get farther through Dark Cave without bumping into walls. I decided to rest in the Pokémon Center before heading out, so I checked on how Inferno was doing. He was pretty happy: loving the new evolution. I kicked back and relaxed, getting ready to explore the cave, and this day isn’t even half done.

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            Daylight burns my eyes; maybe I should buy curtains. I got up and headed down the stairs. I wanted to say it was adventure time, but I heard online that someone had taken that phrase and turned into an awful show. I gave my mom my final goodbyes, for I wouldn’t see here again until I got Fly. With Inferno walking behind me, I left New Bark Town in the dust, especially since I can frikken run now.

I hadn’t gotten five steps out of town before I saw Lyra waiting for me. “Hey Katgarr!” she called to me. “I’m gonna teach you how to catch Pokémon!” I don’t need any lessons from my spazzy friend. Oh, but she insists. I stood there, dumbfounded, as she and her Marill started jumping up and down in the tall grass like utter morons. “Was that too fast?” Too fast? Are you trying to catch the Pokémon or stomp them to death? Forget this, I can catch my own dang Pokémon. She did give me five pokéballs though, so I guess there’s something to say about that. I’m not going to figure out what that is, however.

As I progressed through Route 29 and Route 40 (I decided to check it out, although I couldn’t even lift my feet over the tiny roadblocks), my team began to flesh itself out. By the time I got myself back to Cherrygrove City my team consisted of Inferno, Blathers (Hoothoot), Caitlin (Rattata), and Stallone (Geodude). I noticed that Stallone didn’t really like to talk to the other Pokémon. He’s probably just shy: we can work on that. Anyway, so I enter the Cherrygrove Pokémon center to heal my team. I reach into my pocket to pay for the treatment, but the nurse at the counter tells me that they heal for free. Free healthcare? Oh those dastardly communists in the government! I knew that President Obamasnow was trying to steal our money to give free healthcare to the poor. Darn you, Obamasnow!

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Who does he think he is, increasing taxes on the uber tier?

Enough about the politics. With my team in tow, I head up Route 30 to administer the beatdown on Pokémon and trainers alike. I fought some kid named Joey and laid a monster smackdown on his Rattata. “Oh, I’m out of Pokémon that can fight.” Really now? It looks like your master plan of having one Pokémon is backfiring. My condolences… loser. I added Dahlia (Spinarak) to my team and headed up to Route 31. As I walked onto the grassy plains of the new route, a call came through on my pokégear. Was it my mom calling to say she missed me? Oh no, it’s Joey, five minutes after I give him my number.

Me: What do you want Joey?

Joey: I tried to catch a Spinarak but it got away. I thought of going after it, but I decided not to.

Me: Congratulations Joey. *hang up*

What a loser. As I whip a couple more loser trainers, Lyra runs up behind me and gasps, unable to believe I’m ahead of her. I’m just a better trainer than you, Lyra- Oh, she ran off again. Continuing on, I added the sixth and final member to my team: Venus (Bellsprout). I don’t know about this one: she’s a bit of a harlot.

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Oh god, the horror of a barely-related picture.

[Next time: Sprout Tower!]