Tag Archive: gold


When I went into the Pokémon center, a TV announcer asked me to describe how I felt about him in two words. “Hate You.” He couldn’t have been more pleased. This place is just… I don’t even. Where am I again? “Violet City.” How colorful. I caught another Bellsprout to trade to a guy named Rudy, who was too lazy to walk about a hundred feet and catch his own Bellsprout. I’m ten years old, dude: don’t make me do your dirty work. What kind of trainer are you? Anyway, he gave me an Onix. I don’t want it. Into the PC box you go. I went out to explore the city, but another creepy older man in a whole region full of creepy older men who find it invigorating to talk to me asked me if I had been to the Pokémon Academy. Why no, I hadn’t. I was still exploring the ci- “Oh, then we’re going to the academy and you have no say in it!” What the f-

Well… that was a waste of time. I’m done exploring the city: it’s time for my first gym battle! My team is ready to figh- what? I can’t go into the gym until I go to Sprout Tower? Does no one want me to challenge this gym or what? Fine, I’ll go Sprout Tower, but under protest.

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Nothing exemplifies a tower dedicated to a plant better than purple roofs.

I stared up at the tall tower that stood before me. Yeah, this would be a piece of cake. Lemon cake. Yeah, that’s the sh- what, another call? Who now? Frikken Joey again? You are seriously going to lose your phone privileges, Joey.

Me: What now, Joey?

Joey: My Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattata!

Me: … That’s pretty sad. *hang up*

I’m starting to hate that guy. Now let’s enter this tower. I see people milling around, all in love with the Bellsprout. Bellsprout isn’t that great, guys. Seriously, it’s really not. So I climbed the ladders up the tower and put the hurt on some monks. Then I saw a Gastly. There are ghosts in here? This tower is haunted? That’s frikken awesome! Why aren’t you all praising the Gastly? Maybe the tower wouldn’t be as pristine if the support beams were vaporous circles. The tower was a bit tough for my team: both Dahlia and Caitlin were defeated in battle, but Inferno easily ripped through the grass-type’s squishy faces. As I reached the top of the tower, I saw a familiar, ugly face. Horvitz!

I was prepared for a battle, but he didn’t seem interested. He mouthed off about elders and nice people before leaving the tower unopposed. He must’ve spent a lot of time in Florida. So now I’m in the battle of my life against the elder and his army of Bellsprout… okay, they all burned to death. That was the battle of my life? My life really sucks. For defeating him and honoring Bellsprout or something, he gives me the TM Flash. Flash? An old man is giving me Flash? Ok, seriously Johto, cut it out. I’m ten frikken years old. I know you’ve got some creepy NAMBLA fetish here, but step off. I will kick the crap out of any old man who gets up in my face.

I went down the tower and made quick work of the ghosts and plants that fought me every step of the way, but I took the time to catch myself a Gastly. I really like the ghost type, so I’m sure I can find a space in my team. Someone will have to be sacrificed though. I’ll decide tomorrow, though. In the meantime, I’m gonna go sleep in the Pokémon Center and get ready for my gym battle with Falkner tomorrow. Inferno and his ragtag group of Pokémon will show him the ways of children controlling dangerous creatures.

… Wait, Horvitz was there? I thought the police would’ve caught him by now. He’s literally walking around in plain sight with a stolen Pokémon!

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Nine officers of the law, seen here being incompetent.

Team:

Cyndaquil (Inferno): Lv. 13

Geodude (Stallone): Lv. 10

Hoothoot (Blathers): Lv. 6

Spinarak (Dahlia): Lv. 5

Bellsprout (Venus): Lv. 4

Rattata (Caitlin): Lv. 3

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After finishing conversing with my mom, I head out to Route 29 to get to Mr. Pokémon’s house. As I’m picking my way through the tall grass, the thought crosses my mind that no one told me how to find this man’s house. Just as I’m about to reach Cherrygrove City, a wild Hoothoot jumps out of the tall grass to face me. This is the perfect chance to test out my battling skills! I send out Inferno and a tense battle ensues. By tense, I mean that the Hoothoot stared at Inferno for a while while he tackled the wild Pokémon into oblivion. Score one for the good guys.

Soon the lights of Cherrygrove City appear before me. Shambling towards the entrance, I’m suddenly accosted by some old man. He rushes towards me and forces me to follow him around the city, showing me buildings I was already aware of. I sigh and follow him, growing bored of this old man’s shenanigans. At the end of the tour, he gives me shoes. Thanks… I think? Oh wait, now I can run! This doesn’t make any sense!

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Shoes: without them, you cannot run. Really, try it. Move your legs as fast as you want; you cannot do it.

I continued to adventure north through Route 30, battling a gaggle of Rattata, Hoothoots and Spinaraks along the way. Eventually I reached a house at the bottom of a cliff. This house, without me checking for any indication, is certainly Mr. Pokémon’s house. I let myself in, and it is. I’m good. I speak with more old men, this time Mr. Pokémon and Professor Oak. Mr. Pokémon gives me an egg to take back to Elm. Huh, Elm warned me that this guy enjoyed eggs. I’m surprised I didn’t get a side of hash browns with it. I just take the egg and go back outside when I get a call from Professor Elm. Yes, I have a phone too. I’m ten years old, in case you forgot. Anyway, now Elm’s crying to me about a “disaster,” and that I need to get back quickly. Oh, what’s he done now? I give Inferno an exasperated glance; he just shrugs, and so we battle our way back to home, or at least we try to. As we leave Cherrygrove, that stalker boy from the window appears before me. He gives me a furtive, suspicious glare, and I get definite feelings of mistrust. This conversation happens:

Me: Hey, I remember you. What are you doing here?

Passerby Boy: (notices Inferno) That’s a Pokémon that’s too good for a wimp like you.

Me: Oh, now you’ve done it. I’ve been waiting all night to fight you.

Passerby Boy: With our Pokémon, right?

Me: Uh… yeah, that’s what I meant…

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Seen here: the Pokémon battle I wanted to have with him.

Let the battle commence! Inferno leaps into battle as the boy sends out his Totodile. I remember that Pokémon from the lab and that “disaster” Elm spoke of. I accuse him of stealing the Pokémon. Yeah, of course he did. What a jerk. Why would that Totodile follow him if he stole it? The Totodile stares dumbly at me. Oh, that’s why.

His Pokémon has the type advantage… you know, that’d mean more if they knew more moves than Tackle or Scratch. The two starters clash in front of us, my Cyndaquil knocking his Totodile back, who scratches down Cyndaquil’s side in response. Back and forth they go, but unluckily for my foe, my Pokémon has been training. My power is just too much for him and Cyndaquil is able to dispatch Totodile. Victory is mine! Take that, you dirty thief!

Passerby Boy: Are you happy you won?

Me: Uh, yeah, duh. What kind of stupid question is that?

Passerby Boy: I’m going to be the world’s greatest Pokémon trainer.

Me: Yeah, by stealing Pokémon? Good luck with that.

He bumps into me and walks away, not particularly gracious in defeat. As he leaves, I notice he dropped something. Picking it up, it turned out that he dropped his ID card. I’m only able to see his name before he comes back and takes it away from me. “Oh no, you saw my name.” Yeah, you better walk away now! Just wait until I report you to the police! I’m sure they’ll go and arrest you and not let you wander around challenging me to battles for all eternity.

I rush through Route 29 on my way to the lab, ready to tell Elm what had happened, but as I run inside a policeman stops me.

Policeman: Stop! A criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. Obviously, you’re the crook!

Me: That doesn’t even make sense. Professor, didn’t you tell the police who I am?

Elm: Hurr Durrrrrrr

Me: Of course not.

Luckily for me Lyra comes in and defends my honor. Well, at least she did something right. The policeman then asks me who it was that I fought. His name? Horvitz. With a description and name of the perpetrator, the policeman goes to hunt him down. I’m sure they won’t screw that one up. Suddenly I remember the egg. I hand it over to the professor, who finds it fascinating. Was it worth it, professor?  Was it worth all this trouble?

Elm: Durrrrrrr

I went home and talked with my mom about my journey. She suggested that I send her half of my earnings from battling so she could save it. That’s a nice though, but then I remembered that she spent all that money on a two story house with only one bed… where two people live. No, I’m keeping that money.

Tonight I sleep in my bed for the final time. Tomorrow morning I’ll be heading out to take the gym challenge. I’ll defeat all eight gym leaders and attempt to become the champion. With Inferno safe in his pokéball, I fall asleep, ready for the adventures that await me in the future.

Team:

Cyndaquil (Inferno): Lv. 8