In the wee hours of the morning, Castleton Corners, a sanitarium located in New York City, took in Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin, the New York Times reported this morning. The official story from the head office of the New York Knicks basketball club was that Lin had torn his meniscus and would require surgery, but now it is known that the star player has been committed to Castleton Corners due to an acute case of Linsanity.
“Linsanity is a psychosomatic disease that seems to have been spread throughout the continental USA, but is mostly concentrated in the New York area,” said J.D. Flick, the owner of the asylum. “We here at Castleton Corners feel it is our mission to cure these ‘linsaniacs’ by keeping them from contaminating others.” Lin, who had been cut by two previous basketball teams, had emerged as an all-star on the Knicks, sending the New York City area into a frenzy about the chances of a Knicks playoff berth. Sadly, it turns out that all this was just hallucinations brought on by the Linsanity disease, which can infect a patient before doctors can catch it.
“The scary thing is that there’s no pattern to the disease,” Flick continued. “It seems to affect people of very different races and backgrounds, and has even spread to the west coast in some cases. We have called on the government to contain this epidemic, but until then we will stay vigilant for any more signs of this Lindemic. Wait… oh no, I’ve got it too! Help me, Jesus!”
Flick’s assistant told the New York Times that the Knicks team has also contracted a disease known as This Team Sucks Syndrome, which the assistant said possibly was transferred to them from the Mets team down the street. As of now, there is no known cure for the disease.