I happen to be an avid baseball fan. And by avid, I mean that I read lots of books about the history of the game and don’t watch any games actually playing now. So yeah, maybe passive fan would be a better description. Nevertheless, I know enough baseball to have scathing opinions about things that don’t affect me. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

NL DH

We’ll start this post with some good: the rumors of the eventual implementation of the designated hitter (DH) in the National League. Some people will bemoan this as the continued fall of a once-proud game and further additions of half-players (hitters that can’t field and pitchers who can’t hit). But pitchers never really could hit (there are always exceptions, but not enough). No manager wants a poor hitter in their lineup, and no fan truly wants to see a pitcher try to hit the ball (which is why Frank Thomas is my pitcher in Backyard Baseball).

Don't question it.

The point is that I like the DH rule, and having it in both leagues will be fine by me, plus it will alleviate a new headache, which brings me to my next point…

Astros in the AL and Constant Interleague Play

It’s been known for a while that when the new Astros owner, Jim Crane, bought the team, he was going to have to move the club to the American League. On the surface, it makes sense: there are 16 teams in the NL, and 14 teams in the AL. One team moves to the AL, and now we’re even at 15 all. But should it be the Astros? No, I disagree, and it isn’t just because I’m in Texas. The major point is moving a terrible franchise (Major League-worst 106 losses in 2011) from the 6-team NL Central to the 4-team AL West. But the AL is where the other Texas team (the Texas Rangers) is: what’s the point of putting them together? The other two-team cities have their teams in separate leagues: that’s how it’s always been (New York didn’t count pre-1957 because there were 3 teams, and California post-1957 doesn’t count because they have roughly 2,000 teams). And besides, the Milwaukee Brewers were previously moved from the AL to the NL: why not just move them back? Oh yeah, because Bud Selig owned the team and he’s commissioner now, so he’s going to make sure his precious team doesn’t get jostled around. What a joke. This now reminds me of the second part of this segment: constant interleague play.

CONSTANT INTERLEAGUE PLAY!

When the Astros move to the AL in 2013, there will be yearly interleague play (NL’ers vs. AL’ers). That’s fine in short bursts, but why the whole season? That’s lame. The true test of who’s better is in the world series, not these poser games. And that’s the reason for the NL DH, to avoid having to constantly go from having a DH in AL parks to having no DH in NL parks. Acronyms acronyms acronyms.

Colt .45 Jerseys

Looks like we’re back to the ‘Stros. In their final year in the NL, the Astros want to wear their old jerseys for a few games. When the Astros were first admitted into the league, they were known as the Houston Colt .45s (in 1962). After the 1964 season, they became the Astros. So the commissioner will allow these throwback jerseys, but with one condition: no Colt .45 logo on the Colt .45 jersey.

In a world where censorship nazis take away our freedom... what, that already happened? Darnit.

I’ve seen a lot of stupid things in my time (I went to high school, so I know stupid things when I see them), and this just proves my point that censorship and political correctness has gone way too far. They were called the Colt .45s: what’s the point of a jersey without the logo of the team? I’d understand if it used to be something racist or bigoted, like the Tampa Bay Slave Lynchers (the #1 seed team on Stormfront.org), but it’s just a gun, people. Can nobody be trusted enough to watch a couple ballgames with a gun on the uniform? There are much worse uniforms than that.

The terrorists may have won this battle.

You PC-toting censor nazis really need to find something else to do with your time, because you’re wasting mine.

Instant Replay

I’ve talked about instant replay so much (to myself) that I get tired of it, so some quick points. Instant replay will not slow down the game (advertisements have already done that). Instant replay will make sure boneheaded mistakes (see: Denkinger, Joyce) are corrected. Instant replay will prove the good calls of reputable umpires and will hopefully overturn the sickening displays of such arrogant pricks like Joe West. We get it, you’re a jerk. You get paid less than some players do to sit on the bench and do nothing, so quit the acting and get back to umpiring.

Extra Playoff Teams

Our final talking point will be the new playoff teams. This year, two more teams will be added to the playoffs (making a grand total of ten). There will be a one game elimination, and then… I actually have no idea. Regular playoffs, I guess. But why? Why would they do this?

Oh yeah, that.

There are already eight teams vying for the chance to reach the world series (who actually reached the playoffs), we don’t need any more. It’s a small slope to getting to the exorbitant amount of teams the NFL and NBA allow. Baseball, you’re better than that. Why not just let every team in the playoffs? Except for the Mariners of course. Not even baseball is that stupid.

So what have we learned? Baseball is being ruined by a bunch of greedy pigs. So in conclusion…

Run this man out of town on a rail.

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