Several days ago, I got Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for the Mac (I’ll just put it on the record that my mom does not approve, so don’t go thinking she does). Let’s just say it’s one of the best games ever. But for this blog post, I’ll talk about the part that takes up most of my time: driving.

This is how each of my driving excursions usually ends.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m a terrible driver in GTA:SA, buuuuut I usually cause more collateral damage to the city in one driving session than the entire Justice League in one episode (and that’s quite a lot). I have run over so many people by complete accident, it’s not even funny (ok, it’s pretty funny). I’m still surprised my homies talk to me after all the times I’ve accidentally run them over or caused the car they were in to blow up.

On the first day I was playing, I had failed a mission after blowing up my car outside of the house I had to go to. So, I was grabbing a new car (the term is “borrowing”) to get back to the hood, and 30 seconds later, I had blown up that car too. Alright, no problem, I’ll just grab another one. A minute later, that one was up in flames. And yet, on every mission they ask me to drive. The fact that they force me to drive on every mission may account for the rising crime rate in inner cities.

Another crime that could've been prevented if I had taken driving lessons

I should also mention my great shortcut to getting back to the hood: driving through the guardrail and falling off the bridge into the hood. Don’t see that on the map, now do you? But really, there’s one more topic to speak about: the police are bustas. I went out to try and specifically NOT kill policemen, but that’s a hard task to accomplish when they literally jump against your car. They jumped AGAINST my car, not away from it, towards it. And then they blew it up. Bustas!

You heard me, busta!

In conclusion, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is one of the best games ever made ever, and I should NOT be virtually driving (however, I drive well in real life, because I don’t drive at max speed, then turn and hope I stay on the road).

Today’s link is the song I got my title from: Dead Man Walking by Bloodsimple: